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“Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savoured.”
Since mid-2015 I have unfortunately suffered from strong and crippling attacks of pain to an area of my body which leads me to be the local emergency ward. I am so familiar with this pain, that I know how long I have until I need to get to the hospital so I can be treated and given the appropriate pain relief. It was an August Monday afternoon 2015 when the pain first started. On the Friday morning, pain escalated, I could hardly walk or breathe sending me to my Local GP whom which then directed me to the local hospital emergency ward with a letter to be treated. I spent two days in the hospital, being discharged with numerous letters and scans sending me to specialist doctors.
By February 2016, the cycle looked like this, the pain starts somewhere between 4-6 out of 10 (10 being the highest) within the hour to an hour and a half, I am crawling out of my car, hurting, tears in my eyes, barely walking, finding it difficult to speak and walk. I crawl into the Emergency ward, recognise me the staff all do. The treatment starts immediately. The following day I am discharged, and within three days I am back at the emergency ward. This goes on for a period of eight months.
Now, I have visited an abundance of specialists, still no diagnosis. But a pain management plan has been put in place. The hospital trips can be up to five weeks apart at times. Or sometimes twice a week.
Throughout this period and still to the day I learn more and more about this pain and myself.
“YOU HAVE A LOT TO LEARN”. I tell myself, just as I did many years ago when I wrote an article, 1001 THINGS THAT I DON’T KNOW, which was published on Getstrength.
There are things that I still do and question daily.
The following is my way of dealing with 1002 things that I don’t know.
Falling into a trail and trap of negative thoughts and thought pattern, was an easy thing to do, especially with almost all the medical staff at the emergency ward knowing my name first hand and then finishing off a conversation which we were having on my last stay. I recognised this negative pattern, asked myself why they were building up and so strong and started to create a new positive behaviour towards what was going on in my life and changed the meaning of these events.
One of the exercises I used to change the negative thoughts and patterns was to look at this from another perspective. My knowledge of human anatomy was very weak. So, I changed my thoughts and directed energy to a positive outcome and went on a journey to learn more about human anatomy. This stimulated me into a positive state of mind, which in return sent me into a thirst of knowledge.
The situation taught me patience, I still struggle with patience today when it comes to my pain, but it has moved along forward and is in a much better place today than it was one year ago.
Learning to keep quiet and listen was a challenge for me, due to the frustration of not having an answer to the pain. I mentioned and the same thing in a previous article called “16 years to life long” in which I said,
“. Learn quickly a lesson which I had wished I learnt earlier in life which is be still and quiet and listen more than you talk.”
I have become much better at this and found that I learnt much more helping me to try and understanding what was going on with me and then able to raise much more direct questions.
I revaluated and redefined my expectations of people and relationships and what I expected of those people. I was in a ball of frustration, anger and disappointment when I was in hospital asking myself why close friends and family were not visiting me whilst I was in a hospital bed in pain and yes loneliness. I would have dropped everything and been by their side if it was them in a hospital bed. But what I was doing was placing an expectation of someone and their behaviour based off my behaviour. by redefining my thoughts on this matter, my expectations of people changed.
Everyone has a story; everyone’s life is a story. There will be the good and the bad times. It’s up to the individual to look at everything that happens and is done and behaviours around him/himself. When we first receive bad news or we are in a bad moment, it’s understandable that we can slide to the side of negativity. But that doesn’t mean we must stay there.
Again, I say, challenge your thoughts and behaviour. Ask questions, learn. Don’t accept one person’s answer as a law set in stone. Don’t let your circumstances create yourself misery and pity. Take it as a new adventure of learning and take control of your thoughts. Get the answer which you require, do not settle for the answer that you desire.
Today, I was discharged from hospital. Today, once again I received no answers.
Today, I know one thing, I will find an answer and I will resolve this.