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I am opening up this story with a simple statement, this statement is only my view and only my opinion. And so, it goes.
“In my humble opinion, when it comes to helping motivate or inspire people of all ages and in all aspects of life whether it be sporting, business or life in general, the majority of these people use words, phrases, sayings or quotes which they have heard or overheard , All they are doing is repeating things that they have heard someone say or a quote from a famous coach in the hope of it motivating or inspiring that person and not following through with a whole different range of methods, tools and procedures which is far more valuable to learn and understand compared to just screaming out loudly, FIRE UP.”
For myself, it gets very very tiresome hearing some people’s views and language on motivation and how to motivate someone whether from sport, school or business. Generally, people have a mentality of a great speech from a movie or a loud shouting conversation where we open up the skies with our voices and shower the earth with fire and brimstone. Using gestures and maybe producing a tear and a voice which cries for you to climb and rise up above all, a cry which will encourage you, motivate you and inspire you to climb the greatest highest mountain in extreme weather conditions which normally no human could survive whilst fighting animals and creatures from another planet or dimension which have been placed in your path. Placed purposely to stop you achieving your goal, your dream, and your destiny. The speech or words of wisdom have colourful descriptions of the people you face and must conquer, with their reasons to stop you are as sinister as Lucifer himself. As the speech proceeds down its own journey, music is heard in the background, hair on your back or arms stand up and the dead start to rise as the great motivational words have such powerful meaning that it crosses into the life beyond and calls to the dead to rise up in arms to help you achieve your goal.
I do plead with the readers and those in positions held where at times they extend an ear or a word of advice to learn and understand themselves more of what they are suggesting to those who require help and more focus in their life. My suggestion is to draw upon your own experiences and share them in conversation and focus part of that conversation on the emotional rollercoaster in which you had to experience. Steer more so in the direction of overcoming those hardships that you went through with a clear and visual explanation of those intense emotions which you had to face and overcome. This itself shows your friend, son, daughter, client etc, the human side of you. In return it will give you both a field of common comfortable ground which you can both communicate and work within.
Far from it am I suggesting that my way is the best way. That is the furthest from the truth you could get. I do not believe that I am the process, the almighty and proclaimer, but I am and we all are part of the process. We are all part of the process, we all have something to offer. And I strongly suggest and recommend that you stay clear and avoid using certain phrases. These words, phrases and sayings are just passed around, used unsparingly. Truly losing their meaning and direction. Such examples are; FIRE UP, SUCK IT UP, BE A MAN, DO IT FOR YOUR TEAM MATE, LOOK EACH OTHER IN THE EYE, AIM UP, GET OVER IT and all those generally regurgitated sayings, or what I like to call, the general CALL TO ARMS.
SHARING WITH YOU A DIFFERENT APPROACH
A different approach and method I just used recently which I would like to share with you is an event which took place a few weeks back where I was called upon to work with a 17-year-old male. His sport is of rugby league. His story, he was advised at the beginning of the pre-season that he would be on the starting team at the position and role of the number 7, the halfback. To shorten the story, this did not eventuate at the beginning of the playing season and if you could imagine, it weighed him down mentally, and there was a lack of positive energy from his side. I did my research, asked certain questions and spoke to those in charge. The young kid in question had done nothing wrong, there was no incident or behind the scene drama which caused this. He was training well and doing extremely well in the pre-season. The coach had his reasons for his decisions and that was it. My job was not to question what was originally relayed to the young man, nor to question the coach at all. It was to reinvigorate the kids mental side and to move forward with him. So, the following is how I went about it.
It was a Monday, I had it planned to meet after Monday night’s training session, as it was the day after a game was played the day before on Sunday. I knew that he was been given an opportunity to play on that Sunday and was advised that he would be placed on the field sometime late in the first half and he would remain on the field of play for the duration of the match. For some reason or rather this did not happen, he only got 9-10 minutes playing time to finish off the second half.
He already knew that we were meeting up for a meal at my place after training, himself and either or both parents of the young adult. I do a lot of work from my place with clients or at their home. As I find it is a lot more comfortable with simple familiar surroundings which help all involved to be comfortable and at ease.
When it comes to young adults I always ask that one or both of their parents are present at our meetings for the simple reason that it helps the parents to understand what their child is going through and gives them the understanding of the process which we are about to embark on. Also, to be quite blunt, as a parent myself, when your child is mentally travelling rough, generally so are you, the parent.
I sent a text message early Monday afternoon asking him to do a mind exercise for me prior to getting into the training arena. The text message was this;
As an exercise for tonight at training I would like for you to go to training with the following mindset.
I want you Before getting into the training grounds,
take a moment for yourself.
Take some slow deep breaths and clear your mind. Clear your mind and relax yourself in the manner that you are accustomed to.
Then I want you to place into your mind the following 3 –
- That you are the starting 7.YOU ARE the person that controls the team in attack.
- And to add to this, I want you to add that you are the captain of your side. 3. And not only that, but also Club Captain.
(The word I’m using below is “behave”
In this context, the word means,
Then I want you to place into your mind that
I will behave appropriately as I AM the starting 7.
I will behave appropriately as I AM the captain of this side.
I will behave appropriately as I AM the club captain.
Then we will talk about this tonight.
The young lad arrives hungry, actually very hungry and there is a meal awaiting him to nourish both his father and himself. We have a discussion of what has happened and where we are at now and we begin. I ask him to go back to last week Monday and previous training sessions and write down on a piece of paper provided what feelings and emotions that he is going through.
CONFUSED- NOT CLEAR
These are his feelings and emotions which he has been going through and bottled up not knowing how to process them and to deal with them. We discuss the reason behind each one and recognise why they are there. What created these. How they affected his training, his schooling and his general behaviour and how it has affected his energy and what type of behaviour becomes of these powerful negative headings. We discuss that in this mindset and newly created behaviours how the coaches and fellow team mates around him could perceive this behaviour as a negative behaviour and attitude change. The coaches have a slight inkling on what is going on, but they have a team to worry about, not just an individual. His team mates could be wondering what happened to a very enthusiastic and always a very positive team mate who has just simply had an attitude change.
Even though negative thoughts are running through his head, he still believes that his training intensity is up at 95/100.
With this statement regarding his training intensity and it still been at 95%, I questioned the following,
IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE THAT THROUGH ALL THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS THAT YOU STILL PRODUCED 95% INTENSITY FOR YOURSELF, DID YOU LIFT THOSE AROUND YOU? DID YOU INFLUENCE OTHERS AT TRAINING IN A POSITVE WAY? DID THE ENERGY YOU WERE PRODUCING LIFT THE TEAM?…………
NO, NOT AT ALL, was the young man’s answer.
THURSDAY TRAINING LAST WEEK
Last week Thursday night, his feelings on the way to training are still the same, a fight within him to stay motivated. His hopes are still up as the team hasn’t been announced so there still is a chance that he could be picked.
First half of the session has passed and he is still in that awful negative state of mind when it happens. He is pulled aside by the coach and has been told that come this Sunday he will be taking the field at the later stage of the first half and will continue to stay on the field for the rest of the game.
HIS FEELINGS, EMOTIONS, ATTITUDE AND INTENSITY IS BLOWN AND TAKEN OFF OUT LIKE A ROCKET TAKING OFF TO THE MOON.
MIND RACING WITH SHEER PURE EUPHORIA
ENERGY AS A WHOLE IS UP
Mindset changes because he is playing. HOW DO WE STAY IN THIS MINDSET WHEN WE ARE NOT PLAYING??? – refer to the statement made and written by our young adult at the end of this article, to see how we did this.
I would like to break this GAME DAY section into two parts as I did with him to get and to understand different days and the mindset behind both days. Firstly, previous Game day’s and secondly this Game day.
PREVIOUS GAME DAYS
On previous game days where he wasn’t playing he was in the space of
Very similar to the training days, but I did concede him to tell me that there was an added piece called
All very familiar feeling, emotions and energy levels. Didn’t offer any team mates the correct amount of encouragement. Sinking further into that ugly negative state. These days where he isn’t playing hits him harder than training days as you could imagine that this is the day that we look forward to.
Train in hot, cold, raining, scorcher heat days looking forward and preparing to do what we love to do, play rugby league. No task too small or too big in order to be physically and mentally able to perform at that 100% which is needed. All of this just to sit in the grand stand and watch his team mates do what it is he wants to be doing.
He doesn’t know this until now, but I am at 2 of the games, and I am watching him in the stand and I can see his low negative energy and body language. And I express to him what I saw in his behavior. And I pointed out certain points of the game where his facial expressions, body language and energy were totally unacceptable.
THIS GAME DAY (THE DAY I PLAY)
This game day he is feeling
LOOKING FORWARD TO PLAYING
POSITIVE UPLIFTING ENERGY
I could fill in ten pages of exciting positive feelings and emotions here but I think you can imagine his overall energy and mindset.
He is supposed to take the field in the later stage of the first half. It’s almost end of the first half, we have some head noise arriving in a small chartered airplane flight. Second half kicks off and we are getting into half way into the second half.
Mixed feelings are growing before he takes the field
EXCITEMENT- still looking forward to getting onto the field to play.
Again, all too familiar and looks like and feels like his CONDITIONED MINDSET is coming into play a major role.
TIME HAS COME-(only 9-10 minutes left in the second half and he goes on. Now this is going to hurt where his head is at)
He leaves the stadium and he hits an all-time low.
He doesn’t know this until now, but I was at this game. And I am watching him on the bench and making notes of his behavior and at what points of the game this happened.
MONDAY EVENING (SAME MONDAY WHERE WE STARTED OUR SESSION)
As previously mentioned, I sent the young fellow a text message asking him to do an exercise for me for tonight’s training session and we will talk about it tonight after dinner with his father.
So, I have sent him a text and asked him to change his mind set for the night at training and to focus on three things.
Then I want you to place into your mind the following 3 –
1. That you are the starting 7.YOU ARE the person that controls the team in attack.
2. And to add to this, I want you to add that you are the captain of your side.
3. And not only that, but also Club Captain. On his way to training after doing this mind exercise, he is feeling very motivated and excited. At training theses were his feelings, emotions and energy.
FELT LOOKED UP TO
FELT DEPENDED UPON
EAGER TO TRAIN
My questions to him were, DID YOU LIFT THOSE AROUND YOU? DID YOU INFLUENCE OTHER AROUND YOU? DID THE ENERGY YOU PRODUCE LIFT THE TEAM? His answer was YES. I asked him why did this all happen? His reply was, I felt that I had a huge responsibility and it was my job to be positive, give off positive energy and to make a conscious effort to influence those around me. All of this by just a simple SHIFT OF FOCUS. He rated his training at a 98% intensity. But at a 98% where he was looking after himself, the team and the club. A SIMPLE SHIFT IN FOCUS.
STATEMENT MADE AND WRITTEN BY OUR YOUNG ADULT
This coming Wednesday, and all of my training sessions and Game days, whether I am playing or not playing. I will have a moment to myself prior and I will condition and train my brain that I am the starting half, that I am the team captain and that I am the club captain.my training intensity will be at 100%. I will lift those around me, I will influence others around me in the team, I will produce enough energy and motivation to carry myself and my team to a win. I will encourage those around me, I will demand discipline from myself and the team. I will be a leader. I am a leader.
SEE IT FIRST.
I have attached a graph which shows the where we have been and how unstable and detrimental it can be if we allow our feelings and emotions run over us and not process them correctly.
I would like to finish off by saying that I do not believe in anyway shape or form that how I do things is better than anyone else’s methods, not at all. I have just like most people have, numerous methods and you use each method where you see fit. What I do ask, encourage and suggest if you are helping, find some substance, a connection, a pathway and a plan to help someone. Do not rely on a great phrase or saying to do the job by itself. Because it will work for 10 minutes whilst emotion is high and will be lost in fatigue. Find and use a way or method which will help you and your client go from……
LOW – (from where they are, if they are feeling stuck, flat or confused)
LIFE – (a place where you have an abundance of energy and a plan)